This will be short. It is not what I think and for sure it is not what you think. It is almost 5 years already that I stop from my official "Job". What do I get ? What happened to my life ? How I am taking it? What is wrong with me ? Where I am now ?
The past 5 years experience is the most valuable memory that I am going through.It is not easy.And it come to very difficult. And it has a lot of ups and downs. And mostly down I guess. However it make me what I am today.
What do I get ?
I get to know myself much much better. I know my fear.I know my strength. I know who I am. I know my limit. And one most important thing is that I know that I don't even owned anything and I never owned a thing. This is a FACT.
What happened to my life ?
I am getting into the mystery of life and valuing life as it unfolds to me. Yup there so many challenges about how to live with No Proper Income. No proper job. No proper bank. No proper friend. Not Able to help others because Not Able to help myself. Not able to support a family. Not able to help parents. Overall I am "Useless" in the term of society.
How am I taking it ?
Do not get me wrong. I am blessed. I am blessed with other things that is NOT material in existence. I take this as it unfold the magical of life. It is always magical everyday. I am not sure that I will be able to woke up tomorrow morning. I am not sure how long I will live. I am not sure how long I can take this.Actually NO ONE have the absolute SURE what will happened next.
What is wrong with me ?
There is nothing wrong with me. Just going through the opposite path than usual. Why don't I do something - get a job, do something and change ? I am doing something. I am working on something. I am getting something. Nonetheless there NO Guarantee what is the result. I not losing HOPE. HOPE is all THERE IS.
Where I am NOW?
I am here in this world. Still comparing with others - what they have and what that I don't have. I do not own a house others have a big house with swimming pools. I do not have a proper income others have stable income more than 40K per month. I am stuck with MAJOR DEBT while other is a FREEMAN.
Do I like what I am NOW ?
Again I love what I am. I love myself more than before. I love my wife. I love my children. I love my parents. I am learning to understand the mechanism of this universe. I learned to understand how BLESSED I am to be in this phase or state.
Anyway... I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.
Zahiruddin
P/s: Deep from my heart. Please forgive me. I seek forgiveness from all of you regarding of my action and reaction to all of you. May Allah blessed all of us.
